The 2nd Wives Club was started because 2nd wives of divorced men paying alimony in Massachusetts are being forced to contribute to the alimony their husbands' ex-wives receive. Lawyers tell me this does not happen. Lawyers tell me that this is not the law. Lawyers tell me that the second wives' income isn't used to determine alimony, but that it's used to determine household expenses, which are then used to determine how much money the husband has available for alimony, and that it's the HUSBAND'S money that is sent to the ex-wife, not the new wife's money! Even decent, well-meaning lawyers have explained this to me, insisting that it's not the new wife's money that is sent or even considered! When I hear them say this over and over again, I know I am living in an alternate universe - Massachusetts.
When I have explained a case in which the second wife's income is specifically used in calculations to determine alimony payments, one lawyer said to me, "The judge made a mistake. Judges make mistakes. The remedy for that is an appeal." The lawyer, a woman, did not explain to me how to learn that a judge has made a mistake if your lawyer doesn't tell you it's a mistake. The lawyer also did not explain to me how middle income people are supposed to file appeals after they have been impoverished by alimony and lawyers' fees. Judges make mistakes, and it's up to poor citizens to catch their mistakes and file appeals. Remember that.
SOME GOOD NEWS!
We work closely with Mass Alimony Reform and both organizations are beginning a publicity campaign to bring public and media attention to the issues that unjustly burden our lives and our marriages. We have an advertisement that will run the week of June 2nd, three times, in the Harvard Crimson. This is the week for class reunions and the Harvard graduation, when the Crimson will be read by thousands of influential visitors to the campus. When I figure out how to do this, I will post a copy of the ad on this blog.
Mass Alimony Reform is now a not for profit political organization with tax exempt status.
In order to pay for these ads and others, we are beginning a fund raising drive. Contributions of any amount are welcome. If you want information on how to contribute, please email steveh@metrowestprinting.com. These contributions are NOT tax deductible.
We also have a printed collection of alimony horror stories, which include testimony presented to the legislature in January 2008 and several letters written to us. We hope to have the horror stories available soon on PDF files, but in the meantime, we are sending them out by snail mail to anyone who requests them. Please send requests with your snail mail address to steveh@metrowestprinting.com.
THE FUTURE
The legislation that we supported earlier this year, HR 1567, was sent for "further study," which means that it's dead for this session of the legislature, which ends on July 31. When the legislature reconvenes in January, we expect that the legislation will be reintroduced -- and that between now and then, public awareness of this situation will give it more weight in the legislature.
Keep talking about this issue, write letters to the editor of your local papers, and see what happens when you talk to your clergy members about it and when you ask for their help. We may embark on a campaign to educate members of the clergy about this situation, since it influences so many marriages. If you do talk to your minister or rabbi, please report back to us. Feel free to post a comment on the blog or to write to jeaniem@metrowestprinting.com, if you want a private communication.
We're happy you're on board. We have a lot of work to do to get these laws changed, and we are eager to hear from you.
Thanks.
A Mass 2nd Wife
4 comments:
I am grateful for the MA Second Wives Club. When your own government reach into your pocket and take part of your income and send it to your new husband's first wife - the stress and anger can consume you.
I divorced in 1995 after an 18 year marriage. I became the sole care and support for 3 school age children. I had no education and was working part-time as a waitress. I didn't sit back and wait for a judge to award me anything - 13 years later, I have educated myself, have a thriving career, put my children through college and purchased a home.
In 2005 I married my new husband who was also divorced. Although his first wife has a college degree with a 4.0 average, a allied nursing certificate with a 4.0 average the courts decided that at the age of 39 she should be supported with alimony for the rest of her life.
The courts further decided that my husband was enjoying a higher standard of living because of my income and that his former wife deserved the same higher standard of living and after our marriage, her yearly income increased by an additional $20,000.
My husband and I have a prenuptial agreement that clearly separates all our finances and income before and during our marriage - the State of MA told me my prenuptial agreement only applied to my new husband - not to his former wife, she was entitled to all my personal and private financial information. God Help Us All, How Can This Be Legal or Constitutional -- Under the threat of Contempt of Court, I was compelled to turn over my financial information
Think about that, I had never met, spoken to or had any contact with this person and the Courts where compelling me to contribute to her support.
I screamed foul - I thought I had Constitutional Rights - but in MA my Constitutional Rights don't count, only the former spouse.
Ladies, Unite!!!! Let us not sit back silently and have the State of MA tromp on our rights and seize our income and efforts to only award it to someone who feels "entitled" to be supported.
There is no wrath like that of a Womam Scorned. I have made the cause of Alimony Reform my cause.
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Unfortunately, I have been unable to get involved at the meetings as they were scheduled when I was out of town. I want to get more involved in the committee. It sounds to me that there may be a marketing strategy for outreach? I like the request to speak with religious leaders but we need more... do we have a marketing plan?
Getting 2nd Wives stories is also a good way to get people involved and maybe find a story that is particularly good to present to the media. We all have them, otherwise we wouldn't be here. I just hope this blog doesn't become just a forum for venting...too depressing and counter-productive. I put a challenge out there to anyone who blogs: say your peace then do something! If each one of us takes the liberty of blogging, then each one of us must give something back - let's show "charity" towards the cause.
Not that I want to discourage anyone out there, but even with all our collaborative efforts, there is one group who has the power and the finacial interest to stop this - the divorce lawyers! They've got a good thing going and are not going to give it up. They smell the hurt, betral and anger and play upon it - driving up the costs and time associated with division of assets and future obligations. Maybe we should work with mediators in getting out the message?
Finally, I do like to read other's stories, as I have from earlier emails and I particularly like the choice of words and descriptions, (ex. alimony is welfare). I plan on taking some as cues for when I most surely get deposed. (My husband has filed for support adjustment and he's now I too get to pay for the crazy ride!!)
I won't go into details about my circumstance - it stresses me to the point of distraction and stomach disorder. But I often wonder, was she always like this? and why didn't he see her for what she is then? And what with the new "fiance" - is he stupid or is he cut of the same cloth?
Sorry for the ramble - guess it's time to get to work. I will make my mark and report back.
Thank God! Someone out there is hearing my prayers. I am a second wife and a divorce attorney! I, too, would have told you that it was an error of law to consider a second wive's income and that it does not happen, but now I have lived it! My entire income was taken into account when my husband was in court last for child support/alimony. We now pay not 30% of his income, but 30% of our ENTIRE income. We, including our 5 year old child, are now facing an uncertain financial future at best. I am thrilled to learn that someone is taking this outrage seriously and want everyone involved to know that not all divorce lawyers want this archaic practice to continue! Please let me, as an attorney know how to best help this cause.
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